These parents tend to be the polar opposite of the so-called “helicopter parents.” Instead of hovering over their children’s every move, permissive parents are incredibly lax and rarely make or enforce any type of rules or structure. Their motto is often simply that “kids will be kids.” While they are usually warm and loving, they make little or no attempt to control or discipline their kids.
Early Research on Permissive Parenting
Based on her research with preschool-age children, developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind described three major parenting styles. In later years, researchers would continue to investigate the different styles of parenting and even added a fourth style. Permissive parenting is one of the original parenting styles described by Baumrind. Permissive parenting is sometimes known as indulgent parenting. Parents who exhibit this style make relatively few demands on their children. Because these parents have low expectations for self-control and maturity, discipline is a rarity.
Characteristics of Permissive Parenting
Permissive parents:
Are usually very nurturing and loving towards their kidsAsk their children’s opinions on major decisionsEmphasize their children’s freedom rather than responsibilityHave few rules or standards of behavior, any rules they do have are inconsistentMay use bribery such as toys, gifts, and food as a means to get a child to behaveOften seem more like a friend, rather than a parentProvide little in the way of a schedule or structureRarely enforce any type of consequences
The Effects of Permissive Parenting
Researchers have found that the overly relaxed approach to parenting exhibited by permissive parents can lead to a number of negative outcomes. Children raised by permissive parents tend to lack self-discipline, possess poor social skills, may be self-involved and demanding, and may feel insecure due to the lack of boundaries and guidance. Research has also suggested that kids raised by permissive parents:
Display low achievement in many areas: Because their parents have little to no expectations of them, these kids have nothing to strive toward. Studies have linked permissive parenting to lower academic achievement. Make poor decisions: Since their parents to not set or enforce any type of rules or guidelines, these kids struggle to learn good problem-solving and decision-making skills. May be more prone to delinquency and substance use: Some studies suggest that children raised by permissive parents are more likely to engage in misconduct and alcohol or substance use. Show more aggression and less emotional understanding: Because they do not learn to deal with their emotions effectively, particularly in situations where they do not get what they want, children with permissive parents may struggle when faced with stressful or emotionally difficult situations. Unable to manage their time or habits: Because of the lack of structure and rules in the home, these kids never learn limits. This might lead to watching too much television, playing too many computer games, and eating too much. These children never learn to limit their screen time or eating habits, which can lead to unhealthy habits and obesity.
Because permissive parenting involves a lack of demands and expectations, children raised by parents with this style tend to grow up without a strong sense of self-discipline. They may be more unruly in school due to the lack of boundaries in the home and may be less academically motivated than many of their peers.
Positive Effects of Permissive Parenting
While research has shown that permissive parenting has numerous downsides, there are some positive aspects.
Parental warmth: Parents with this parenting style tend to be responsive, affectionate, and warm. Protective effects: Some studies have shown that permissive parenting has the same protective effects against risky behavior including substance use that authoritative parenting has. Self-esteem: Research has also found that kids raised by permissive parents have good self-esteem.
One study found that while authoritative parenting resulted in better outcomes for several measures, permissive parenting produced optimum outcomes in terms of self-esteem and social well-being. Some researchers suggest that cultural factors play an important role in the effects of parenting styles. Much of the research concluding that authoritative parenting is the best approach was conducted in Western cultures, while other studies indicate that other styles, such as permissive parenting, might be just as effective in other cultures.
How to Change Permissive Parenting
If you tend to be a pushover or struggle to enforce rules, consider looking for ways that you can develop some more authoritative parenting habits. This can be difficult at times, because it often means becoming stricter, enforcing rules, and being able to cope with your child being upset. Some strategies you might consider:
Develop a list of basic household rules. In order for your kids to know how they are supposed to behave, they need to clearly understand what your expectations are.Follow through. This can be the greatest struggle for parents who tend to be permissive, but it is important. Try to be firm and consistent, but still loving. Help your kids understand why such rules are important by providing adequate feedback and explanations, but still make sure that consequences are in place.Make sure your kids understand the penalty of breaking the rules. Guidelines are useless unless there is some sort of consequence for failing to follow them. Time-outs and losing privileges are logical consequences for breaking the household rules.Reward good behavior. Try to catch your children being good and allow special privileges when they display these actions.
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A Word From Verywell
Permissive parenting can lead to a number of problems, so it pays to consciously try to utilize a more authoritative approach if you recognize these signs of permissiveness in your own parenting. If you tend to be more of a permissive parent, think of ways that you can help your children understand your expectations and guidelines and be consistent about your enforcement of these rules. By providing your kids with the right balance of structure and support, you can ensure that they grow up with the skills they need to succeed in life.
