Below we’ve broken down what peer pressure is and how the uptick in our daily lives might impact our well-being. We’re also helping you navigate how to effectively respond to peer pressure, including ways to avoid doing it yourself.
What Is Peer Pressure?
At some level, we all want to feel like we belong. To feel that way, we often follow societal “rules,” lean toward political correctness (or away, depending on our circle), and do our best to get along without controversy. This is where peer pressure comes into play. “Peer pressure is when we feel influenced, or pressured, to act as our peer group does, whether we believe the same way or not, to hold or gain their respect or friendship,” says Colleen Mullen, PsyD, a psychologist and licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT). “Peer pressure can be subtle or overt and can range from influencing things from as simple as what you wear or eat, or even who you associate with and why you act as you do,” says Mullen.
COVID-19, Peer Pressure, and Mental Health
This desire to fit in—and the peer pressure associated with it—begins when we’re children and continues throughout our life. In the context of COVID-19, there are many instances in which we might feel that pressure strongly. Through many of her therapy clients, Mullen says that she’s seen how this peer pressure—whether on the peer-to-peer level or a larger level through social media messages—is adding to our society’s mental anguish. “On either side of the apparent ‘argument,’ people are seeking to be validated in their preferences,” Mullen explains. “The internal struggle that happens when we start questioning our judgment based on others’ feedback causes cognitive dissonance. That internal noise often stops us in our tracks. Not only do we feel confusion, but self-doubt, resentment, and comparisons of perceived ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ come into play.”
How to Navigate Peer Pressure in Light of COVID-19
It can be quite tricky to navigate this new world we live in, where simply wearing a face mask—or not wearing one—can elicit feedback from strangers and dear friends. Though it’s a complex issue with many nuances, you can start by following the expert advice below.
Be Kind to Yourself
The level of dissonance, anger, and sadness around us is even greater given the emotional, financial, and psychological impacts our collective communities have felt due to COVID-19. Therefore, one of the best things you can do right now is to take care of yourself. “Beware of the things you can handle and the things you cannot handle. Tell someone the difference and remove yourself from spaces where you don’t feel emotionally or mentally safe,” says Asha Tarry, a psychotherapist, life coach, and author.
Avoid or Diffuse the Great Debate
You might feel passionate about educating or sharing your findings with others. In such cases, default to gentle language and utilize credited expert guidance. “I find that people don’t like to be told nor forced into doing things against their will. As we’ve learned, this approach, at times, has caused a negative effect on the well-being of others,” says Tarry. It can also cause others to lean harder into their existing stance, making both parties further pitted against each other. Tarry says, “Instead of shaming people, give people articles to read from legitimate sources, and afterward, you can follow up with conversations about their ideas with what they’ve read and understood.” We’re not saying you shouldn’t voice your concerns or share information, but do make a conscious decision to do what is best for yourself. That includes avoiding angry social media rants and actively stepping away from arguments that aren’t going anywhere.
Try Not to Judge
There’s so much judgment being cast on others right now. Adding to the already boiling fury with your own condemnation likely will take you nowhere. “Remember, we don’t know what is influencing someone’s thinking,” says Mullen. “We have tens of millions of people unemployed who are desperately waiting for signs that the economy will come back from this. We have people with underlying health issues we may not know about (and it’s really none of our business).” It might be hard to bite your tongue, but do your best to trust that others are doing what they can to get through this, and that they’re dealing with their own personal struggles.
Gently Ask for the Same in Return
Maybe your friends invite you to hang out, or your stylist is nudging you to book an appointment, and you don’t feel comfortable. Or perhaps a friend has expressed they’re not keen on coming to your small backyard BBQ or out to brunch. Whatever the case, afford them the same non-judgment you’d like to receive. Something you can say to diffuse the discussion is, “I’m so happy you invited me, but I’m not feeling comfortable doing activities like that at this point. I understand everyone has different levels of comfort right now, and I can’t wait to be able to see you again when I’m feeling safer.” Or, if a friend expresses that they don’t feel comfortable, you can say something like, “I completely understand this is a complex issue, and I’m so glad you let me know how you’re feeling. I’ll be so happy to see you when you’re feeling comfortable!” If you’re the person planning a get-together, do your best to create a judgment-free zone. For example, you can say something like, “I know everyone has different levels of comfort right now, and there will be zero judgment if you can or cannot come!” Depending on your relationship, you might also be able to have a candid, curiosity-fueled conversation to understand their stance better. The information in this article is current as of the date listed, which means newer information may be available when you read this. For the most recent updates on COVID-19, visit our coronavirus news page.
