Men and women, however, have varying views on infidelity, whether they are the cheater or the one being cheated on. As research shows, the type of cheating may determine you or your partner’s response.
The Infidelity Gender Gap
A YouGov study reveals that 19% of individuals reported having sex outside of their relationship without their partner’s knowledge. By gender, that is 25% of men, and 13% of women. Psychotherapist Lindsay Brancato, PhD explains that cheating looks different now than it did years ago, since women are now working right alongside men and no longer staying home as caretakers. Men often sought comfort outside of their home if they felt neglected. Brancato states, “Now things have shifted. Women have more economic independence, they have more power outside the home, but inside the home they still shoulder the majority of the invisible labor.” Brancato says that this labor involves meeting the emotional and social needs of the family. As roles within male/female relationships continue to equalize, it’s possible that the statistics surrounding infidelity will as well. That is just one of a myriad of reasons why someone might cheat, but what is worth noting is that partners often have a different view of what constitutes cheating or what form is more severe. One researcher recognized three types of cheating—sexual infidelity, emotional infidelity, and full investment infidelity.
Emotional Affairs vs. Physical Infidelity
A recent study in the Journal of Sexual and Relationship Therapy states that women are more likely to be upset by emotional cheating, and men more upset by sexual or physical infidelity. That study claims that the reasoning for this is because emotional infidelity “signals that a mate will either abandon the relationship or divert resources to a rival.” The study also asserts that the threat of sexual infidelity is due to a more primal response from men related to reproduction. It is born out of fear being cuckolded (when a man’s wife has been unfaithful), since a baby’s paternity is not known until after birth. Brancato further points out that a major difference with how infidelity is viewed by the different sexes is that men, due to ego, find it necessary to leave after they’ve been cheated on. They don’t want to be perceived as “weak.” That may explain why the word cuckold is widely known, but not cuckquean, which is the equivalent for a woman whose husband was unfaithful. It is not unheard of, though, for a man to forgive a cheating wife. Brancato says, “It used to be that women were in such a position that they had to stay in order to keep their lives intact financially and socially. It has become much more shameful now for women to stay, which I think makes it hard. They not only have to deal with the pain of the affair but might be worried about how they are perceived if they take back their partner and worry about protecting them.” Simply put, both parties end up feeling that intense pressure—one from society, and the other from internal factors. The lack of trust as a result of these behaviors is enough to dissolve a marriage, whether through emotional investment or sexual infidelity.
