Although avoiding conflict alleviates your anxiety in the short term, in the long term it perpetuates your fear that you can’t handle situations involving conflict.
Exposure Therapy
One way to gradually overcome your fear of conflict is to face the situations that cause you anxiety. This process is known as exposure therapy and is usually carried out as part of a larger treatment program like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). However, you can practice exposures on your own as part of a self-help plan. This means starting out with situations that cause you the least anxiety and eventually working up to what causes you the most fear. You can practice these exposures either in real life (in vivo) or in your imagination to start. If you find it difficult to construct the exact scenarios that cause you fear, visualizing them might be the better option. Eventually, however, you will want to experience those situations in real life.
How to Practice It Safely
Unlike other exposures, those involving conflict with others carries the potential to cause other people to become impatient or irate. Remember to approach each situation using assertive behaviors (rather than an aggressive stance) and choose situations where there is little risk. For example, don’t practice conflict exposures with someone who you fear could become overly agitated. Also remember that the point of these exposures is to increase your ability to tolerate the conflict, and a likely result is that you will inconvenience others. Although you might feel like what you are doing is terrible, those on the receiving end will probably see it is a minor issue. After all, these types of things happen every day.
Fear Hierarchy
The following brief list gives you some examples of items that you might place on a fear hierarchy related to conflict with others. You should create your own list that is tailored to your particular fears and anxiety triggers. Be sure that the list starts with the easiest task and gradually works up to the hardest.
A Word From Verywell
If you find that your anxiety is severe and debilitating, self-help strategies may not be enough. It is important to reach out to your doctor or a mental health professional for a diagnosis and treatment. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and medication have both been empirically shown effective in the treatment of social anxiety disorder (SAD).
