If you are living with SAD, you may want to make friends but do not know where to start. However, there are things that you can do to make friends, broaden your social circle, and build fulfilling relationships. Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts
Fight Negative Thinking
Negative thinking can play a significant part in making social anxiety worse. Examples of negative thoughts that can make it more difficult to make friends include thinking that no one is interested in what you have to say, overanalyzing people’s words and actions, thinking you can tell what other people are thinking, and always assuming the worst. Cognitive reframing is one strategy that you can use to help change these thoughts. This process helps people learn to recognize thought distortions, adjust their mindset, and see things in a more optimistic way. Making friends takes time, but if you feel that you cannot meet new people or that idea of trying to meet new people is too frightening or overwhelming, it may be a good idea to consult a therapist. Working on treating SAD can help you relax and enjoy being around other people more. Once your social anxiety is under control, you should find it easier to approach new people and start developing friendships.
Set Small Goals
Instead of immediately trying to forge new friendships, you might start by setting smaller goals and then taking small steps towards them. Some small goals you might want to set include:
Smiling at a strangerExchanging pleasantries with the cashier at the grocery storeMaking eye contact and waving at a neighborTexting a current acquaintance or friend to say hi
Practice Social Skills
As you work toward making new friends, it can also be helpful to learn and practice your social skills. This can not only help relieve your anxiety, but it can also make interacting and meeting people easier. Some skills that can help include using open body language and learning how to make small talk with new acquaintances. Rehearsing these conversations and having a list of small talk topics can help you feel more comfortable in these casual interactions. You won’t walk away from every encounter with a new friend, but you will have practiced smiling, chatting, and other social skills. It also gives you the chance to practice managing the anxiety that these interactions can cause.
Meet New People
In order to find potential friends, you need to look for opportunities to get to know new people. When looking for potential friends, the best places to start are also the easiest—your interests. Do you work with others? Do you know someone who has a large circle of friends? Could you join a group or organization to increase the number of people that you are in contact with?It is important not to be too picky in the beginning. Anyone could be a potential friend. First impressions are not necessarily the best indicators of who could become a long-term friend. When you want to meet new people and potential friends, consider:
Asking a coworker to lunchJoining a book club at the libraryVolunteering at a local non-profit
Online apps such as Meetup and Bumble can also be useful for finding new friends. Such apps can be particularly appealing to people with social anxiety because they allow you to get to know someone to a certain degree before meeting in person.
Say Yes to Invitations
As you meet new people, work on both accepting invitations and making plans with others. When you are invited to spend time with others, do your best not to turn them down. Saying yes helps show that you are interested and willing to make the effort to strengthen the relationship. By the same token, you shouldn’t always expect the other person to make plans. Though making plans can be a challenging task for those with SAD, it is important to show others that you are interested in them and want to get together. Start small by asking them to meet for coffee, visit a local bookstore, or go shopping together.
Stay in Touch
Once you have begun to form friendships, it is important to stay in touch. Make sure to get contact information for the people that you meet, whether it’s their cell phone number or a link to their social media pages. Over time you will come to learn how often certain people stay in touch. Be sure to do your part to contact your new friends and make plans. Talking to each other in person or on the phone can be important, but staying in touch can also involve sending a text or sharing a link on social media.
A Word From Verywell
Friendships can be a great source of support, strength, and enjoyment. Finding new friends is challenging for most people, but social anxiety can make it more challenging at times. However, having social anxiety doesn’t have to mean that you can’t build new connections. By taking small steps, combatting negative thinking, and looking for opportunities to meet new people, you can begin to build rewarding friendships. Major life changes, such as starting a new job or becoming a parent, can lead to feelings of isolation and make it harder to build new connections. It is important to remember that many people find it challenging to make friends as adults. One way to address this is to actively seek friendships and look for opportunities to meet new people.
