Even if you tend to be introverted, it doesn’t mean you have to stay on the conversational sidelines. With a few little tweaks to your style, you can become more outgoing, more relaxed in social situations, and more likely to have fun when you’re in the company of others. Subscribe Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts
Start With Small Steps
Start by taking small steps towards establishing contact with the people around you be they strangers, acquaintances, colleagues, or friends. Some good ways to start include:
Making eye contact: Eye contact and friendly gestures can go a long way. Smiling at people: They say that smiles are contagious. If someone looks directly at you when you’re shopping at the grocery store, on the train on your way to work, or sitting in the break room at the office, smile at them. You will find that most people react positively and are likely to smile back. Use that returned smile as an instant confidence booster. Greeting other people: After mastering the smile, graduate to saying hello, asking someone for advice, or giving a compliment. The more that you get used to establishing communication with strangers and acquaintances, the easier it becomes and more natural it feels to be outgoing.
You’ll often receive positive feedback in return, which will help develop the self-confidence that is useful in virtually every social setting.
Use Your Mutual Connections
It’s easy to hang with the people who make you feel comfortable and safe, but never branching out can be detrimental in both social and professional environments. Challenging yourself to meet new people is a great way to practice and strengthen your social skills. One of the easiest ways to become more outgoing is to ask your friends, colleagues, or classmates to introduce you to their friends. For example, if you walk into a room and your friend is talking to someone else, make a point to say hello and introduce yourself. The next time you see that person, you can say hello. Since you have already been introduced, you have built a bridge to future communication. Once you’ve made a connection, ask the person questions about themselves. One of the best ways to strike up a conversation and keep it going is to ask open-ended questions and actively listen as they take it from there. This is also a great trick if you find that you’re unsure what to talk about or are uncomfortable with small talk.
Step Outside Your Comfort Zone
Doing something that makes you feel a little uncomfortable is the easiest way to boost your confidence and help you become a more outgoing version of yourself. With each little victory, you’ll gain the confidence to step further and further outside your comfort zone. Check out your city’s chamber of commerce, area universities, or local websites to learn more about clubs or events available in your community. Some examples of activities geared toward finding friends include hiking clubs, pottery classes, dance classes, cooking courses, and community yoga classes. If you keep seeing signs for a club or class you’re interested in, go to one meeting to test the waters. Even if you find that it’s not right for you, there’s no harm in trying. At the least, you’ll gain some new experiences, meet some new people, and hone your social skills.
Focus on Other People
It is easy to get so caught up in your self-image that being quiet or reserved can feel like the safest choice. But being outgoing offers you the chance to try new things and meet new people. Instead of concentrating on your feelings of anxiety or discomfort, it can be helpful to instead focus you attention on other people. As you converse with others, pay attention to what they have to say. Ask questions and try to remember details that will help you next time you talk with them. Remember that everyone has their own insecurities. People are generally too occupied with other things to notice your anxieties or fears. In fact, research has found that people tend to overestimate how much other people notice them, a phenomenon known as the spotlight effect.
Create a Mindfulness Practice
Practicing mindfulness can be a helpful way to combat feelings of shyness and anxiety. Mindfulness involves becoming more aware of the present moment without worrying about the past or future. Mindfulness practices that you might try include meditation, expressive writing, positive affirmations, or gratitude journaling. Interventions that incorporate mindfulness have been shown to help reduce the symptoms of different anxiety disorders, so you may find that incorporating such tactics into your daily life may help you feel less anxious in many different areas of your life.
A Word From Verywell
No one will remember how nervous you sounded the first couple of times you met them. They will remember you as the person who made an effort to reach out, who wasn’t afraid to ask a question in a group, and who had something nice to say at the end of a conversation. Ultimately, the easiest way to make friends and feel more outgoing in social situations is to just be yourself. Taking small steps to practice your social skills, taking steps to meet new people, and practicing strategies to minimize feelings of anxiety are all tactics that can help you become more outgoing. If you’re struggling with symptoms of social anxiety disorder, which involves a more serious fear of social situations, you should talk to your healthcare provider. Effective treatments are available that can help you cope with feelings of social anxiety. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.
