What’s more, avoiding self-care can also cause us to lose sight of our own needs and makes it more difficult to give to those we care about most. Felder says that if we want to provide patience, compassion, kindness, and warmth to others, then we must show ourselves these things first. Sometimes it can be difficult to know when to lean into “selfishness.” Ahead, we’ve outlined six times when being “selfish” is actually a boon to yourself. Felder says, “I suggest creating this time regularly so that you can be sure to avoid depleting yourself before you realize you need to fill yourself up.” “It does not serve us to accumulate earned time off to not take it,” says Chimere G. Holmes, LPC. “Make sure you take time away because you earned it and can only recharge and refuel after stepping away from the daily grind.” A 2018 study found that even short vacations can improve stress levels. Participants in the study noted that after three days, they felt better physically, had better sleep quality, and had an improved mood. Interestingly, these benefits were still present five weeks later. “When you advocate for your emotional needs, you are empowering yourself,” explains Hillary Schoninger, LCSW. “It is not selfish to ask for that raise or advocate for whatever you require. If what you seek will help you while not harming others, you’re practicing ‘healthy selfishness.’” However, we don’t have to view our own (or others’) achievements in this light. “When we can celebrate beautiful things in our lives we show our authentic presence, which does not have to be labeled as being an unhealthy narcissism,” she says. What’s interesting is that studies have found that celebrating our own successes “out loud” can have a positive impact on others. When cheering yourself on, it gives others permission to do the same. Practicing “selfishness” in these moments might look like stepping away from our responsibilities, leaning on others, asking for help, and taking more solo time to be introspective. Communicate your needs and do what you need in order to work through confusing emotions such as grief, strife, or frustration.
